Wednesday, December 07, 2005

 

Just Take A Pill, Fatass!

It has come to the point where we live in a time where no-one takes responsibilty for their actions. People are lazy and waste no time blaming their problems on things other than themselves. When did all of this happen? I don't know, and it is probably safe to say that I am not old enough to trace it back to a single event. But, I am aware of things, and do remember the beginnings of other things. Here are a few things that have just gone too far and need to stop..NOW.

Commercials about pills for bogus medical conditions
Whenever I watch TV, I am overrun with commercials asking stupid things like "Do you wake up tired?" Well....YEAH, everybody wakes up tired, you just woke up moron. But apparently, someone thought waking up tired is an illness plaguing millions and millions of people. Apparently the only treatment is a pill that cost $10 a pop. I have a solution that will save you money. How about you DON'T drink 3 pots of coffee a day and go to bed early.

The first of these commercials that I remember was for Clariten. Which I admit is a good allergy pill. I used to suffer from horrible allergies in the spring and fall. Once I started taking Clariten, my allergies cleared up. But somewhere in between there and here, drug companies have gone crazy. They have pills for sleeping disorders, erectile disfunction, male enhancemet, rapid weight loss, skin treatment, herpes, and dig this....restless leg syndrom. Or, as they say "RLS". I remember watching Seinfeld and they called "RLS" the Jimmy Legs. I mean come on...restless leg syndrom? Now they are just making stuff up. It has gotten to the point where anytime something remotely less than perfect happens, people are running to the drug store.

They also have pills you take before you start binge drinking so you don't have a hang over the next morning. I don't think that is fair. A night of drinking should be followed up with a half day hangover. That is how nature balances itself out. If you have lots of sex, you'll get an STD. If you eat lots of junk food, you'll get fat. If you spend tons of money, you'll go bankrupt. That is how things work. If you have way to much fun in a small period of time, something inversely bad will happen somewhere down the road. So, if I'm not hungover the day after partying, that just means my bad result is waiting for me somewhere down the road, and I don't know when or what it will be. So just suck it up, and take whats coming to you nancy.

Then there are the weight loss commercials. They make it sound like, if you take their pill, you will become a super lean, and sexy person. Guess what dummy, there is something called fine print in those commercials too. Do you know what they say? They say three things:
1. Results not typical and will vary from person to person.
2. Use with a sensible and controlled diet.
3. Use with regular excercise.
Last time I checked, thats called healthy living. So, in order for these pills to work, you have to have a healthy lifestyle. But then, if you already live a healthy lifestyle, you probably don't need those pills. But wait, if you are taking the pills, it's probably because you don't have a healthy lifestyle, so the pills won't work, and then you'll blame the pills or think you aren't taking enough, and double the dosage....aaaaaahh bingo. Basically, your boned fatso. Thats right, if you want to lose weight, your gonna have to put the cupcake down and actually do something.

Apparently, in the past 10 years or so, the medical community has discovered some sort of molecule or something that allows them to see all the illnesses that have ever existed and have bothered mankind forever. Only just recently, have they decided to help us out. Or maybe people are just lazy moronic idiots and like to blame all of their problems on something else besides themselves.

Right On,
UberBrian
mankitten120@hotmail.com

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