Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Free iTunes Song

I am just passing on information for anyone who may be reading this. iTunes has a different free song every week, and I think this week's song is pretty good. So, you should check it out. It's by the Magic Numbers and it's called "Love Me Like You". I saw these guys play on Conan a while back, and I thought they were pretty cool.

Since this is Uberhaters I guess I have to rant about something. So, I'm pretty pissed off that the band Grandaddy announced their breakup the other day. What pisses me off the most, though, is the fact that they won't be touring after the release of their final album in may. I never got to see them live, but my brother (who isn't even really a fan) saw them open for Coldplay... which is like salt in the wound. It seems like everytime I start to really get into a band's music they break up. It happened with The Smashing Pumpkins, and The Black Crowes (both of those bands are reforming or have reformed, but that's beside the point). I just hope the Beatles don't break up anytime soon. I can't wait to see how they pull off "Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite" on their next tour.



Whenever I am watching TV, and a Welch's grape juice commercial comes on, I want to jump through the screen, grab the cute little kids by their heads, and give them a good punch to the mouth. They are way to cute for anyone's good. I am not joking about this. These commercials seriously make me mad. Seriously. I literally become enraged.

There is no reason for me to feel this way, I know, but I do. Believe me, I DO NOT condone child abuse, but I would totally beat one of these kids down. BEAT THEM!

Right on,


Whats the deal with Chuck Norris?

Seriously people, why is Chuck Norris all of a sudden a big deal? A couple of us Uber Carmanians (myself, UberRed and Justin) were discussing this the other day. It seems that no matter where you go on the internet, you see links to pointless Chuck Norris stuff. Then you leave and on the street you hear people saying all these Chuck Norris facts. ENOUGH WITH THE CHUCH NORRIS FACTS!! They were funny when I read them months ago, but after I have heard them 50 times, they lose their effect. Well, now I am reading Chuck Norris facts that are just stupid, drawn out, and not even funny. In fact, off the top of my head I think I will make one up that is just as "funny" as all the others.

"When Chuck Norris was young, he received a full ride scholarship to play football at USC as a kicker. However, on the opening kickoff, the ball struck the goodyear blimp causeing it to crash into the stands killing hundreds of people. Chuck Norris then kicked the ground causing the Earth's rotation to reverse which made time go backwards. However, he kicked it so hard, time went back to 1969. Chuck Norris found himself at Woodstock where he used experimental drugs, got into a Volkswagon wreck paralyzing him from the neck down. When the show "Walker, Texas Ranger" was cast, a struggling David Hassehoff was given the main role. Out of shame, Chuck Norris saw what had happened and payed for an upgrade on his wheelchair, such that it projects a hologram around him, that gives him the appearance of always standing. This is what gives him the power to do non-stop round house kicks. He just spins in his wheelchair."

Yeah, that was totally absurd, just like all the other "facts". I have always been a fan of Chuck Norris in the sense that people are fans of him now. But the fact that Chuck Norris "loving" is so popular now, it makes me not like him. I can no longer enjoy "Walker, Texas Ranger", or "Breaker Breaker" without feeling like one of the brainless yuppies that spews out every little tidbit of mainstream bullshit that seeps into their head.

I guess it was because of the "Walker, Texas Ranger Lever" that has been on Conan O'Brien, that Chuck Norris is suddenly so popular. And, I admit, the lever is funny as hell, but now some schmuck has taken the joke too far, thus rendering it unfunny and will cause the mystique of Chuck Norris to burnout. Until that happens, I am forced to become a closet Norris fan until the whole thing blows over.

Of course when I say fan, I mean, I like to make fun of Chuck Norris because he is the worste actor of all time. But, I think that goes without saying.

Right on,

Monday, January 30, 2006


Mark Henry

I love Mark Henry. After all he is The World's Blackest....ehm *cough*, sorry about that. The World's Strongest Man! The following pictures portray what I see in my head whenever Mark Henry comes to mind.

Thursday, January 26, 2006


Dig this site!

The REAL Sasquatch Hunters

Check out some of the footage they have. These people are silly.

[EDIT] The link as been causing some trouble, so if you get an errer just copy the following address into your browser.

Right on,

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


While Your At It...

Tom Cruise is a queer

How insecure do you have to be?

shit list nomination:

Tom Cruise

You're Welcome,


Another stupid celeb

Read This

Kanye West is another celebrity I would love to punch in the face.

(Bizits this site was created to make fun of mainstream and stupid people, I think I will start posting more articles like this.)

Also, I am going to start a "Shit List" starting now:
1. Michael Moore
2. Kanye West
3. Pamela Anderson

Right on,


Immigrants, Not Americans, Must Adapt

This is an editorial that ran in our magazine this month. So far, these have been good and I think I will start posting them when they run. This is a first class rant, people.

This is an editorial written by an American citizen, published in a Tampa newspaper. He did quite a job; didn't he? Read on, please!

I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Americans. However...... the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the "politically correct! " crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others.
I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to America .
Our population is almost entirely made up of descendants of immigrants. However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand.
This idea of America being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. As Americans...... we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle.
This culture has been developed over centuries of struggles, trials, and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.
We speak ENGLISH , not Spanish, Portuguese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!
"In God We Trust" is our national motto. This is not some Christian, right wing, political slogan.. We adopted this motto because Christian men and women.......on Christian principles............. founded this nation..... and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home.......... because God is part of our culture.
If Stars and Stripes offend you, or you don't like Uncle Sam, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.
We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't care how you did things where you came from.
This is OUR COUNTRY, our land, and our lifestyle. Our First Amendment gives every citizen the right to express his opinion and we will allow you every opportunity to do so! But once you are done complaining....... whining...... and griping....... about our flag....... our pledge...... our national motto........or our way of life.... I highly encourage you to take advantage of one other Great American Freedom...... THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

author unknown
I think this guy has a couple issues he needs to deal with, but in general, I would say I agree with him. I usually ignore extremists, and this rant has some extremist views in it, but he still has many valid points.

Posted by
Right on

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


Slowly Taking Over the World...

UberBrenton has informed me that he created a One-Eyed Apple Jacks MySpace site. Swing on by, hear some groovy tunes from our upcoming album, and become part of the revolution. We will eventually rule the world so you better get ahead of the game.

copy and paste that address into your browser or click the updated link on the left side of this page.

Right on,


Hey Celebs...SHUT THE F*** UP!

Check this out.

  • Article In Question

  • Alright, this is just ridiculous.
    1. Celebrities putting their noses where they don't belong pisses me off.
    2. PETA pisses me off.

    Let us break down exactly what Mrs. Anderson is saying here.
    Quote: [She responded to the governor's decision in a letter Tuesday, saying Sanders' chief legacy is a company "that mutilates God's creatures."]
    First off, if there was EVER someone that DIDN'T have the right to talk about "mutilating God's creatures", it is Pamela Anderson. As much plastic surgery that she has had, she herself has become a mutilation of one of God's creatures. Given, she is smokin hot, it doesn't change the fact. The only thing that would make her case look better is if Michael Jackson told her to lay off the plastic surgery.

    Quote: [
    Among her claims, she said workers in a slaughterhouse in West Virginia have been filmed tearing the heads off live birds, spitting tobacco in their eyes and boiling the chickens alive in tanks of scalding water.]
    Tearing the heads off live birds? Well, yeah, that is one of the most common ways of preparing a chicken for cooking. Grab it's head, swing it above your head a few times, pluck it's feathers, and eat it.
    Spitting tobacco in their eyes? Come on...seriously? Something about that one just seems retarded. For some reason I am going to doubt this one. If the employees of this place are chewing tobacco while cleaning and cooking chicken, then this place has more than one problem. Also, spitting in the chickens eyes. Have you ever seen a chicken, and noticed how small their eyes are? You would basically have to be making out with the chicken to spit in it's eyes directly.
    Boiling the chickens alive in tanks of scalding water. Again, I don't believe this. If this happened, those people would have a huge mess on their hands, like feathers all over the place and what not. And anyone who would do this would be WAAAY to lazy to clean it up. Thus, it would never happen, or they wouldn't have a job afterwards.

    If anything, I bet those damned PETA people planted workers in that place to do bad things, just to catch them on tape.

    If you ask me KFC might be one of the more disgusting places to eat out there, but I will be DAMNED if I let Pam Anderson take em down. Bitch...go back to making Playboy spreads and homemade porn since that is all you are good at.

    Right on,

    Wednesday, January 18, 2006



    Seriously, why do all dealership commercials make me want to throw my TV out the window. They are horrible. You got some creepy chubby guy yelling at you to come by and look and his cars. How would you respond to someone doing that to you in real life? So why do they do it on TV?? They are all done with cheap editing and graphics and sound effects that echoe for eternity. I'm not EVEN going to get into the Expressway guy. God help him if I ever see him in public.

    Last night I saw a commercial that just simply blew my brain out the back of my head and splattered onto my wall. I will paraphrase what the guy says:

    "When your looking for a restaurant to eat at, do you choose the place with a line out the door, or the one with nobody in it? hehe Well, looking for a car is the same way."

    1. I don't understand what you mean with your analogy with the restaurants.
    A. I don't choose restaurant 1 with a line because it is so crowded
    B. I do choose restaurant 1 with a line because the food must be excellent and worth the wait.
    C. I don't choose restaurant 2 with nobody there because the food obviously sucks
    D. I do choose restaurant 2 with nobody there because there is no wait.

    Right away, I hate this guy and refuse to even consider to go there when car shopping.

    2. How does this philosophy apply to buying a car? I guess it depends on which of the four answers the guy was looking for when he asked his stupid question. Do I go to the dealership that is too busy to help me?, or do I go to the dealership that no-one goes to because they suck? Whatever, your an idiot dude.

    And just to boot, they guy was super creepy. He looked liked the kind of guy that would hit on you to try to persuade you into buying a car using his super charm. This dude was greasy looking.

    Right On,

    Saturday, January 14, 2006


    Stupid Girl on Facebook

    Here is a message that was sent to me on Facebook, and my response. This only makes it easier for me to hate people in general, but more importantly, people from Indiana.

    01.13.06 11:01pm Joyce: Hello. If you created the group "Fuck liberals" I would just like to tell you that in your description of the group you made a grammatical error. It should actually read "for those WHO...." instead of "for those THAT..." The proper pronoun to use when talking about people is "who" rather than "that." I think people would take you and your group more seriously if you used proper grammar when taking your stand on political issues. Just a little bit of advice from me here at IWU.


    01.14.06 7:41pm Brian: Actually, I learned just a few weeks ago that I am an admin. I have no idea why. I didn't create the group and really don't have anything to do with it other than I am in it....and I do hate liberals. I also don't really care enough about it to change stuff in it. But apparently, you are a liberal (even thought you claim to be moderate) and took offense to the group and found it important to make fun of me, so for that reason, I will make a point not to change it just because it bugs you. I will also offer some advice to you. Pull the stick out of your ass, quit trolling facebook to point out stupid mistakes, and don't send me stupid annoying messages that waste my time.

    Thank you,

    Saturday, January 07, 2006


    Kids these days

    Seriously people, times are changing, and for the worse. Remember when you were in 8th grade? I barely do, but I remember how life was. All us guys were awkward and constantly nervous because girls are starting to grow boobies, and we want those boobies, but have no prior boobie experience, so we are just retarded. But on the other hand, girls aren't really aware of their boobies, and they are just as awkward and nervous. It ain't like that no more.

    The guys are still just as nervous and awkward, but the girls ARE NOT. I find it disturbing how young girls these days act and dress etc. There is a term I like to use to describe these girls....ProstiTOTS. These girls are dressing in little lowrise jeans and tight shirts, and it's not right. I had a discussion with UberBrenton earlier today. He DJ'ed a middle school dance and said it was horrible awkward for him. Apparantly, these middle school girls were dirty dancing, and all like humping each other and what not. DAMN! When I was in 8th grade, girls would just hop around and scream. Hell, the other day at work, there was a conversation about how some 8th grade girls mom was putting her on birth control, and they lady didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

    You know who I blame? MTV and that dang rap music, with their clicks and whistles. The whole channel is devoted to materialism and making people feel like they are inadequate. And for some reason, nobody seems to care. Parents let their kids watch it willy nilly. Congress and other government groups have been all up in arms recently due to some things like sexual and violent content in VIDEO GAMES. I guess they haven't seen that show where the plot revolves around horny teens having sex all the time. I don't need to get into rap videos.

    I blame MTV for the moral corruption that is occurring in our country. MTV 100%.
    I am not saying that MTV shouldn't be allowed to show what they show, but it shouldn't be so easily accessible to younger people.

    Well, I am not going to get on a soapbox and just point out problems. I will give you a solution too. Rename MTV to TNA TV, and make it a subscription only channel just like the porno stations. It doesn't have to be expensive, it doesn't even have to cost anything, but there has to be a special order put in to unlock it.

    Until that happens, DOWN WITH MTV!

    Right on,

    Friday, January 06, 2006


    Email Us

    If anybody wants to post something on our blogs, please just email us. Our email address is posted in our Guestbook link.



    Monday, January 02, 2006


    Uber Awesome Stories...

    A new blog is opening soon of good to awesome stories that have been experienced first hand or close second hand by the Uberhaters. The idea of this blog started behind the good story myself (UberBrad) and UberRed experienced last thursday at our local McDonalds. I'll post the story as soon as my job permits me to have some more free time!




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