Tuesday, January 31, 2006

 

Whats the deal with Chuck Norris?

Seriously people, why is Chuck Norris all of a sudden a big deal? A couple of us Uber Carmanians (myself, UberRed and Justin) were discussing this the other day. It seems that no matter where you go on the internet, you see links to pointless Chuck Norris stuff. Then you leave and on the street you hear people saying all these Chuck Norris facts. ENOUGH WITH THE CHUCH NORRIS FACTS!! They were funny when I read them months ago, but after I have heard them 50 times, they lose their effect. Well, now I am reading Chuck Norris facts that are just stupid, drawn out, and not even funny. In fact, off the top of my head I think I will make one up that is just as "funny" as all the others.

"When Chuck Norris was young, he received a full ride scholarship to play football at USC as a kicker. However, on the opening kickoff, the ball struck the goodyear blimp causeing it to crash into the stands killing hundreds of people. Chuck Norris then kicked the ground causing the Earth's rotation to reverse which made time go backwards. However, he kicked it so hard, time went back to 1969. Chuck Norris found himself at Woodstock where he used experimental drugs, got into a Volkswagon wreck paralyzing him from the neck down. When the show "Walker, Texas Ranger" was cast, a struggling David Hassehoff was given the main role. Out of shame, Chuck Norris saw what had happened and payed for an upgrade on his wheelchair, such that it projects a hologram around him, that gives him the appearance of always standing. This is what gives him the power to do non-stop round house kicks. He just spins in his wheelchair."

Yeah, that was totally absurd, just like all the other "facts". I have always been a fan of Chuck Norris in the sense that people are fans of him now. But the fact that Chuck Norris "loving" is so popular now, it makes me not like him. I can no longer enjoy "Walker, Texas Ranger", or "Breaker Breaker" without feeling like one of the brainless yuppies that spews out every little tidbit of mainstream bullshit that seeps into their head.

I guess it was because of the "Walker, Texas Ranger Lever" that has been on Conan O'Brien, that Chuck Norris is suddenly so popular. And, I admit, the lever is funny as hell, but now some schmuck has taken the joke too far, thus rendering it unfunny and will cause the mystique of Chuck Norris to burnout. Until that happens, I am forced to become a closet Norris fan until the whole thing blows over.

Of course when I say fan, I mean, I like to make fun of Chuck Norris because he is the worste actor of all time. But, I think that goes without saying.

Right on,
UberBrian


Comments:
Right on!
 
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