Thursday, March 23, 2006


April Fools Sucker

April fools is just around the corner. Do you know who you will prank and what you will do to them? Here are some classic pranks I have done in the past that are pretty fun.

• The old "bird in the door" trick•
Capture a bird, put it in between someones front door, and storm door. Ring the bell, run away. When they answer the door, the bird flies into their house. This works best with, like, a hawk or something.

• The old "snake in the bed" trick•
Everyone has heard of the rubber snake in the bed trick. Well, instead of a rubber snake, use a Cottonmouth. That gets them everytime.

• The old "runaway car" trick•
Before someone drives to work, cut their break lines, and glue down the accelorator. Oh man, the look on their face is priceless when they put it in gear.

• The old "job shadow" trick•
Go visit your friend at work. Only, show up in S&M gear and handcuff yourself to him when you get there. The boss will probably give your friend a raise.

• The old "cheating on your wife" trick•
Set up a date with your wife at a fancy hotel. Only, show up early, and with 2 prostitutes. When your wife arrives, she will think it's hilarious.

• The old "super glue" trick•
While your friend is asleep, glue shut, every single oriface on their body. Along, with any other extremity you deem inappropriate. It's funn watching them panic when they wake up.

• The old "get out, there's a bomb in here" trick•
Tell your friend that someone planted a bomb in your car, and you can't drive under 70mph. Then push him out of the car. He will laugh when he finds out there was no bomb.

• The old "fire head" trick•
Set your friends hair on fire. It makes them dance around and slap themselves in the head. Then they smell bad for the rest of the day.

• The old "Naire substitute" trick•
Substitue a bottle of Naire with hydrochloric acid. Then pour that into a shampoo bottle.

• The old "set up" trick•
Let your friend borrow your car. But first pack it with illegal drugs and guns and what not. Then call the cops and report your car stolen. After your friend has been in jail for a few months send him a card that says, "April Fools, I'm sleeping with your sister!"

• The old "late rental" trick•
Steal your friends Blockbuster card, and rent as many porno movies you can. Then watch them and return them.

• The old "fake fall down" trick•
Fall down and act like you really hurt yourself. Say you can't be moved because you can't feel your legs. Demand an air-evac helicoper. When the helicopter gets there poop and pee your pants. Scream in agony every time someone comes near you. When you get to the hospital, take a bunch of pills so you fall into a deep coma. 10 years later when you become conscious, tell your friend to meet you at the spot you fell and hurt yourself, because you don't think you can handle the emotional strain alone. When he gets there, kick him in the nuts and run away.

One thing kids like is a good April Fools trick. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

atta girl. were going to turn you to the dark side yet.

One april fools joke that police get a big kick out of is going to a plane crash site and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
One of my favorite Jack Handys:

When you're a 10 year old kid walking to school and a car drives by through a puddle and splashes you, it's hard to decide if you should go to school that way or go home and change and be late for school. So while he was deciding, I drove by and splashed him again.
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